My evolved, civilized brain tells me that learning to knit is not a competition.
However, it’s my lizard brain that goes into overdrive when I see how much knitting Melissa has completed each week. I imagine chomping down on one of her knitting needles and breaking it off with my teeth as my hands destroy her knitting as easily as walking through a spider’s web. Any skeins she may have in her bag, I’ll make sure to unravel from the wrong end. Then I’ll throw her stitch markers all over the floor, just for good measure.
Instead, I sit in class each week giving the appropriate “oohs” and “aahs” as she endlessly pulls completed squares from her knitting bag.
Back in August, I began this lapghan class at The Guild. (To satiate your curiosity, you can read more about it in my previous post, Afghan Dance If I Want To.)
The Guild
I don’t remember exactly when Melissa joined our class, but it was definitely weeks and weeks after I began.
Her first day in class, I could see in her eyes that she couldn’t even tell the difference between a SSK and a SKP.
I thought, Pfft… lightweight.
Here I’ve been knitting since 2000 and still not fully anointed by the knitting gods. There was no way some noob with just a pair of #8 straights and one measly skein of Lion’s Brand Wool Ease was gonna out-do me.
But I was wrong. So, so very wrong.
Sweet Melissa is the Chosen One.
The knitting gods have spoken.
Her hands move with such speed that I half expect a sonic boom after she throws the yarn around the needle. She effortlessly controls her stitches as they exponentially grow before my slitted eyes and sour face. Praise from our knitting teacher comes quickly, often, and easily. I think they even hugged once, but I can’t be sure.
But I shall have my revenge. This week I’m going into hardcore knitting training, baby.
I will eat knitting.
I will breathe knitting.
I will become knitting.
This week, instead of putting off my assignment until 11:48 PM the night before class, I’ll work on my knitting homework THROUGHOUT the week. I’ll take my time and focus on making my stitches smooth while controlling my tension, instead of my normal death-grip needle hold. And I’ll try to not squeeze and tug the life out of my yarn.
Next Saturday, I’ll go to knitting class and shine.
Yes, Sweet Melissa, I will shine.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
You are so crazy.
You need to get a job like I have and then you could have as many done as I do. Hehe. Either way, yours always look much better than mine do.
Do you know yet if you’ll be taking that other class on Saturday?
Good luck eating, breathing, and becoming knitting.
-Sweet Melissa
something tells me there may be some tacos in the eating of knitting.
What is $499 and caused you to faint?
Melissa – It’s the real Sweet Melissa. Great, cat’s out of the bag. You’ve managed to defeat my lame attempt at Roman à clef.
You’re right, getting a job would help. Certainly my current situation of not working and having endless hours a day to knit isn’t the answer – haha! As for taking this new class, I like the “idea” of the class, but still not convinced I want to spend more time knitting flat items. I want to start on socks, hats, bags, and sweaters – oh my! However, Angela (the instructor) is crazy nice and I can’t imagine it not being fun. Who knows what I’ll end up doing? Plus, financially, I am pretty much at the point of deciding whether to buy yarn or feed my dog. Tough decisions…
Annette – $499?!?! Where have you been? The iPad, of course. You officially have to turn in your Nerd membership card. And just so you know, (in full on Incredible Hulk voice) “Tacos make Hulk strong! Grrrr!” But it can get your knitting all kinds of greasy…come to think of it, Jason might like it if I knit him up a sweater where each time he pulls it over his head he thinks: Mmmm, tacos. I’m putting this one in the ‘Strong Idea, Needs a Bit of Tweaking’ file.